EMERGENCY C-SECTION EXPERIENCE

As many of you may know, birth plans play a very important role in a woman's pregnancy.
Planning and organizing you wishes for the birth of your children. When labour arrived for me, nothing and I mean nothing, went to plan.
My mum and sister both had 3 hour labours, natural births and perfect healthy babies to cuddle soon after. I thought I'd be exactly the same.
I thought wrong.

After a week of slow labour stuck at 2 cm, 36 hours of established labour, 30 of which stuck at 5 cm and 6 at 8 cm, my perfect little boy became distressed. We had both contracted sepsis and before I knew it, I was rushed down to theatre to have an emergency caesarean. I convinced myself everything would be okay, I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Certain I was going to die, I told myself they know what they're doing and as long as my baby arrives safely I will be forever grateful.

An hour later, he had arrived. Reuben David Hathway born at 14:49 pm on 23rd September 2016 weighing 8 lbs 2 oz. He was perfect, he was really unwell. With sepsis and a collapsed lung they rushed him down to SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) with a giant mask over his tiny face. My mum and partner followed, leaving me numb and alone to recover.

One of the first photos of my baby boy

I begged and begged to be allowed to see him, but they refused. 9 hours later I was blessed with finally meeting the love of my life. I could look but not touch, difficult considering I was in a wheelchair.

He had to be rushed to Bristol for further testing at 1 am, not even a day old, on his own. Being told I couldn't go, I spent all night worrying, crying and staring at the photos my partner had taken of him. If anything had happened to him I would forever carry the guilt of never having held him and kissing that beautiful face. By 5 am he was back in his incubator, thankfully with no other underlying problems. Reuben was slowly getting better and the next thing was for me to recover and be the best mum to him that I could. 


I hadn't informed myself on Caesarean Sections, under the delusion that it was just "one of those things" it's safe to say I was unprepared for the pain that followed. I didn't realize that a C-Section was major surgery. It was traumatizing and it will stay with me for the rest of my life.


I spent the next few days being told by nurses to get up and walk about, have a shower and go and get breakfast. All simple day-to-day tasks that were physically impossible for me at first. I had a 7 inch wound holding my stomach together, I feared standing up straight in case I ripped open. The pain was unbearable. Every single movement caused excruciating pain, there was a point where I thought I would never feel normal again.

When Reuben was fully recovered and the time came for him to come home, understandably I elated. I couldn't wait to show him off, give him proper cuddles without all the wires and cannulas. Even that was ruined. Already felling like a disappointment to my baby boy, I was unable to breastfeed though the shear pain and the 2 weeks that followed included other passing me my baby and taking him away when they 'thought I'd had enough', pushing my baby in his pram and getting down on the floor to play, while I sat back thinking 'that should be me'.

Reuben recovering, 4 days old.

PND (Postnatal Depression) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) hit me like a tonne of bricks. It took time, a long time but I did get better. I did build a bond with my baby boy, considering that seemed impossible to achieve not so long ago. 7 months down the line, I miss my tiny little baby, more than anything. That thought alone brings back the experience that will haunt me everyday of my life. 

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An emergency C-Section took its tole on me. Not just physically but emotionally too. For some time I didn't bond with my son and didn't recognize him as my own. Just thinking about the caesarean reduces me to tears still, but I got help, I'm still receiving help and I will get better.

If you take anything from this, pregnant or not, I hope it's that you prepare yourself for all options and the possibility that things might not go to plan. More importantly, Caesarean Sections are definitely not an easy way out.

You can find information on Caesarean Sections here
Click Here for information on Postnatal Depression
Click Here for information on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Help for PND and PTSD related to birth trauma can found here

NYX LIQUID SUEDE CREAM LIPSTICK // REVIEW

After browsing all my usual makeup counters, I stumbled across NYX Cosmetics. Now I've never tried this brand before but I've heard pretty good reviews! With an irritated infant (and a very colourful hand) I chose my shade, Sandstorm.

 First impressions weren't great, I'd never used this type of wand, I was unsure if the colour would be too dark and it went on very shiny, almost like gloss..

Upon drying is when I fell in love! Lovely matte finish and super soft! The winner for me is that it stays put all day and night with no touch ups! Last but not least, when removing my makeup, it comes straight off, no struggling, no mess!!

This lipstick is by far the favorite in my collection and one things for sure.. I NEED more!

Click here to check it out or check to see if your local Boots are in stock!

APRIL 2017 BIRCHBOX // REVIEW

As the postman handed me my Birchbox, I just couldn't wait to see inside.

The design on the box is so cute!. It looks so pretty placed on my shelf, the drawer is a lovely added extra too! This just added to the excitement!

Upon opening the drawer, I was surprised with the size of the products - very reasonable for what you pay for your subscription! All of the products have such lovely packaging. I don't know if its just me but I prefer products that look nice as well as do the job.

Baïja Paris - Crème Moana in Fleur de Tiarè

This smells INSANE!

It rubs so easily into my skin and makes it so soft! I've been using this cream on my hands and the smell is just amazing! The sample is the perfect size to keep in my bag when I'm out and about, making it super easy to keep moisturized.

The full size RRP is £15.90 and in my opinion its so so worth it, I will definitely be buying more of this! 

amika: The Shield Style Extending Spray

I received a 31.5ml sample of this spray and I must say with an RRP of £20 for a full size, its not much different to any other hairspray I've tried. It smells lovely and most definitely does what it says on the bottle!

I don't think I'll be purchasing the full size version myself, but if you're looking for a hairspray that is very light on your hair then this may just be the one for you!

Nip + Fab Colour Correcting Concealer

This months Birchbox included a full size version of this product. I must admit, once reading the booklet provided and learning that the purple shade 'eliminates yellow undertones' I became a bit skeptical. Only reason being that I have more red patches so green would have been ideal. To my surprise, this colour corrector is by far my favorite! It really brightens dull parts of my skin, it dries super quick and the brush applicator is great.

To top it off, the full size RRP is £8.95 which means its almost certain that I will be buying this again. 

Polaar IcePure Gentle Scrub with Arctic Cotton

I'm not one for face scrubs but I thought I'd give it a go. I can't express enough how soft my skin felt after using this, this scrub has made it into my skincare regime! I felt so energized after using this and the fragrance is beautiful.

Full size RRP is £23.50, it's quite pricey for a face scrub, but I feel since I wont have to use it every day and maybe more like 2-3 times a week it's most likely worth the investment.

Manna Kadar Cosmetics High Definition Powder

By far my favorite product from this months Birchbox. I had the choice between two different full size Manna Kadar Cosmetics of which I chose this powder. This powder is ideal for my skin as I'm quite pale. It's so smooth to apply! Using a brush I end up with a perfectly matte finish without looking caked in powder.

It's full size RRP is £27, for a powder this good I definitely would not mind paying, although its about the size of a singular eye shadow. If I were ordering it for the first time without seeing it face-to-face, I would be very disappointed with the size.

All in all, I'm pretty impressed with April's Birchbox and I can't wait for next months!

For more information or to start up your subscription Click Here