Thursday 27 April 2017

EMERGENCY C-SECTION EXPERIENCE




As many of you may know, birth plans play a very important role in a woman's pregnancy.
Planning and organizing you wishes for the birth of your children. When labour arrived for me, nothing and I mean nothing, went to plan.
My mum and sister both had 3 hour labours, natural births and perfect healthy babies to cuddle soon after. I thought I'd be exactly the same.
I thought wrong.

After a week of slow labour stuck at 2 cm, 36 hours of established labour, 30 of which stuck at 5 cm and 6 at 8 cm, my perfect little boy became distressed. We had both contracted sepsis and before I knew it, I was rushed down to theatre to have an emergency caesarean. I convinced myself everything would be okay, I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Certain I was going to die, I told myself they know what they're doing and as long as my baby arrives safely I will be forever grateful.

An hour later, he had arrived. Reuben David Hathway born at 14:49 pm on 23rd September 2016 weighing 8 lbs 2 oz. He was perfect, he was really unwell. With sepsis and a collapsed lung they rushed him down to SCBU (Special Care Baby Unit) with a giant mask over his tiny face. My mum and partner followed, leaving me numb and alone to recover.


One of the first photos of my baby boy

I begged and begged to be allowed to see him, but they refused. 9 hours later I was blessed with finally meeting the love of my life. I could look but not touch, difficult considering I was in a wheelchair.

He had to be rushed to Bristol for further testing at 1 am, not even a day old, on his own. Being told I couldn't go, I spent all night worrying, crying and staring at the photos my partner had taken of him. If anything had happened to him I would forever carry the guilt of never having held him and kissing that beautiful face. By 5 am he was back in his incubator, thankfully with no other underlying problems. Reuben was slowly getting better and the next thing was for me to recover and be the best mum to him that I could. 


I hadn't informed myself on Caesarean Sections, under the delusion that it was just "one of those things" it's safe to say I was unprepared for the pain that followed. I didn't realize that a C-Section was major surgery. It was traumatizing and it will stay with me for the rest of my life.


I spent the next few days being told by nurses to get up and walk about, have a shower and go and get breakfast. All simple day-to-day tasks that were physically impossible for me at first. I had a 7 inch wound holding my stomach together, I feared standing up straight in case I ripped open. The pain was unbearable. Every single movement caused excruciating pain, there was a point where I thought I would never feel normal again.

When Reuben was fully recovered and the time came for him to come home, understandably I elated. I couldn't wait to show him off, give him proper cuddles without all the wires and cannulas. Even that was ruined. Already felling like a disappointment to my baby boy, I was unable to breastfeed though the shear pain and the 2 weeks that followed included other passing me my baby and taking him away when they 'thought I'd had enough', pushing my baby in his pram and getting down on the floor to play, while I sat back thinking 'that should be me'.


Reuben recovering, 4 days old.

PND (Postnatal Depression) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) hit me like a tonne of bricks. It took time, a long time but I did get better. I did build a bond with my baby boy, considering that seemed impossible to achieve not so long ago. 7 months down the line, I miss my tiny little baby, more than anything. That thought alone brings back the experience that will haunt me everyday of my life. 









    US
  NOW









An emergency C-Section took its tole on me. Not just physically but emotionally too. For some time I didn't bond with my son and didn't recognize him as my own. Just thinking about the caesarean reduces me to tears still, but I got help, I'm still receiving help and I will get better.

If you take anything from this, pregnant or not, I hope it's that you prepare yourself for all options and the possibility that things might not go to plan. More importantly, Caesarean Sections are definitely not an easy way out.

You can find information on Caesarean Sections here
Click Here for information on Postnatal Depression
Click Here for information on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Help for PND and PTSD related to birth trauma can found here


2 comments:

  1. Hello- I had an emergency cs also, and developed a kit to help women: The CSectionRecoveryKit.com
    Soft cotton binder and massage guide DVD help you get out of bed and then get figure back while helping scar to heal well. Lafeenoire.com and Savantini has it in the UK all the best!

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    1. Hi Christina! Thank you for reading and for you comment! That's such a lovely thing to do. I really admire that you've found a way to help others through such an important time in your life! Thank you and I wish you all the best for the future!!

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